Since I was about three years old, I knew exactly, what I wanted to do with my life. My plan was a simple but a beautiful plan. No complications and certainly no drama.
At three years old my plan was to grow up, get married to Michelle, and spend the rest of my life, making her happy. Even at that tender age, I knew, it was only fair, for me to do all in my power, to ensure Michelle get to feel and experience; the same level of ecstasy, I felt and experienced, when and while I was with and in her presence.
As children, we did not see each other very often, but when we did, it was like magic, and my world was decorated with, joy, peace, beauty and of course love. I cannot speak for Michelle, I do not know, if my presence and friendship generated the same level of ecstacy; I derived from Michelle's presence and friendship.
Then suddenly, my perfect world of childhood love, was struck, with a might sledge hammer, severely fracturing my perception of who my Michelle was; however, the love and affection I had for her never changed even onto this day. The proceeding is the account of how Michelle won my heart.
My mother's name is Verina, Mother was affectionately known by villagers as Tan-tan. Mother was born and grew up in the small, costal village, on the leeward side of the island: of St. Vincent and the Grenadines. The name of that village is Questelles. Mother was number thirteen of fourteen children, my grandmother Courtney had; which was simplified with three set of twins.
By the time I was born, my parents would have been married for more than twenty six years. Upon tying the matrimonial knot, Mother left the small rural village of Questelles, and she moved to the capital: Kingstown; where her husband: Hamilton, prepared a home for her.
At this time in St. Vincent and the Grenadines history, I speak of the time, Michelle and I connected, there were no public transportation system, as it still is today. However, private citizens purchased large truck like vehicles, with a bear Chassis, upon which, a large wooden cabins were built and within the wooden cabins, long sprong covered wooden benches were placed. These buses travelled from several main points across the Island to the capital Kingstown.
Residence of all the villages that were not close to the main road that wines it's way through the hills, mountains and valleys, had to walk to the main road, to catch the bus to and from their destination.
A trip to Questelles had to be properly planned. Because mother did not just go to visit. However, she also took packages for her mother, her other siblings and others who expected and looked forward to her visit.
Although mother left Questelles some thirty years earlier, and she visited several times a year, each time we visited, it seems like we were visiting for the first time. Everyone was excited to see us, they treated Mother like a queen and us her children, like dignatories. It seems like Mother knew everyone, it also seems like we visited every house in the villages of Questelles, and Clay Valley and they all looked forward to the visit from Mother.
As a child I looked forward to visiting four home, I looked forward to Visiting Mammy, my Grand mother Courtney, who in my opinion, even at the age of ninety years old, was the most physically Beautiful woman I have ever seen. Mammy always had fried fish, that were heavily coated in black pepper, which she used as a preservative; because she did not have a refrigerator.
I looked forward to visiting my Grandfather: Wilfred, who I knew; genuinely loved me, Grandfather: Wilfred, always get me, the best and the sweetest fruits he had on his farm, I also looked forward to visiting Mother Young. This is where we finally get some relief from hours of walking. The visit to Mother Young's home marked the end of our visit to Questelles. Here Mother, Mother Young and Pearlo often sit back and talk while we waited on the taxi or my brother Albert, to come to take us home.
But the visit I most looked forward to, was our visit to Auntie Hoyte's home. Auntie Hoyte is not my real auntie; however, in this case; the word auntie, is a title given to a respected woman within the community. Our grandmother Courtney ensured her children referred to Mrs. Hoyte as auntie, and it automatically transferred to her grandchildren. Here is where Auntie Hoyte's grand daughters Michelle and Lynette lived. I could remember it like it was yesterday, I was about three years old or there about, While visiting Auntie Hoyte's home, by this stage in her life, Auntie Hoyte was quite an old woman.
Michelle, Lynette and I were playing on the floor of auntie Hoyte's living room. We got too close to Auntie Hoyte's center table, which, was neatly decorated with a lot of little ceramic figereans of the people featured in the Nativity Story: Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Angeles, etc. she also had figereans of animals of all types. There was also a mat under the center table, that had an even larger number of these small ornaments. To ensure we did not break any of her dear and precious ornaments, Auntie Hoyte declared children you all go into the yard and play.
We were sitting on the steps, on the out side of auntie Hoyte's house with nothing to do. Because the conversation of children, is often generated around some type of activity. We sat there, fiddling with Michelle girl toys. Then Michelle said to me, "would you like me to show you something you have never seen before." I said yes. Then Michelle declared, "come and let me show you."
I followed Michelle to the northern side of Auntie Hoyte's house, Michelle got down on all four, then she crawled under auntie Hoyte's house and I followed her. Like her Yard, beneath Auntie Hoyte's house was unpaved, the dirt were exposed. Lynette had no interest in going under her grandmother's house and did not joined us.
While we were under Auntie Hoyte's house, Michelle brought to my attention, some little holes in the dry, soft, loose dirt, then she said "you see these holes, some little animal lives in these holes, they are called Back-back Turtles."
I did not know what to think of Michelle's claims, Then Michelle puckered her lips, bend over, and she gentle blew away, some of the soft, powder-like dirt from one of the holes; exposing a small creature. I was amazed, by what was just revealed to me.
I then noticed the creature began to move backwards, as it tunneled it's way beneath the loose soil. Now it was my turn. We spend quite a significant amount of time unearthing these tiny creatures and we looked at them, as they repositioned themselves in the soil.
Then the worst thing that could have happened, at that very moment happened. It was time for us to leave. Mother had a lot of people whom she must visit including her siblings. All of whom, would be disappointed, if the children did not come to visit with her. I did not want to leave. I also noticed, Michelle became visibly upset, when she discovered it was time for me to go.
From that day forward each day, I asked Mother, when are we going back to Questelles. Whenever, we visited Questelles, I could not wait, to get to Auntie Hoyte's home. On my arrival to Auntie Hoyte's house; Immediately, and even without a suggestion, Michelle and I headed under Auntie Hoyte's house, we picked up right where we left off, from my last visit. This became our trend. Whatever, Michelle and I were doing, when I was so unceremoniously ripped away from my fun with Michelle, the next time we met, like clock work, we began my visit doing the same thing.
Michelle became my favorite person, the one I talk up a storm with, the one with whom I had the most fun. I loved being with and hated leaving her presence. Then Mother got ill and our visits to Questelles stopped. Mother subsequently died. And our visits to the birth place of my mother, got scarcer and scarcer.
After Mother's death, our visits to Questelles took on a new dimensions. Now my big brother: Albert was the one who initiated the visits, the people we visited on these visits, became comparatively limited. Of course we always visited our Grandmother: Courtney, and my mother siblings who lived within the immediate environment, we also visited Mother Young, and my deceased Grandfather's home. There was no time to visit Auntie Hoyte's home so I can spend time with my favorite person Michelle.
Some time later, in my desire to see Michelle, I convinced my cousin Merle, who had just crossed over into adulthood, we should go to Questelles to visit our Grandmother. This was a pretext; so I could get to see and spend time with my best friend Michelle. This was not to say, I did not want to see Mammy, I was always happy to see and to be with my Grandmother, however on this visit, the driving force was Michelle.
When we got to Questelles, I discovered like Mother; Merle knew everyone and where everyone lived, and they all knew her. This made things easier.
For me, our visit to Auntie Hoyte's home was bitter-sweet. We were greeted by Auntie Hoyte, who was happy to see us. When we asked for Michelle, Auntie Hoyte information us; Michelle and Lynette no longer live with her. They are now living in "Town" with their mother. "Town" means Kingstown. Auntie Hoyte gave Merle the direction to her daughter's new residence; then she said to me, "now you will be able to see Michelle more often, you no longer have to come all the way to Questelles to see her, for she is living in Town like you are; it will be easy for you to see her."
This was not as easy as Auntie Hoyte's said. Michelle lived about ten blocks from where I lived, on the opposite side of Kingstown, I was not permitted to go that far away from home unsupervised; unless I was going to school.
Merle promised that we will go to visit Michelle at her mother's home one Saturday after church. When we did, visited Auntie Marrie, Michelle's mother, who operated a liquor and grocery shop, on the ground floor of her house, she told us Michelle was not at home and Auntie Marrie slyly ushered us away quickly.
Although I did not believe Auntie Marrie, however, upon hinesight, when I considered, it was Saturday, Auntie Marrie's busyest day for the liquor aspect of her business; and her Clientele were made up of stevedores and construction workers, a bunch of swearing ruffians, who conducted friendly conversations with each other; where every other word was a swear word; they will also fight at the drop of a pin.
It would not have been prudent parenting, for Auntie Marrie to expose her primary school age children, to this type of rowdy crowd, or to have Merle and I, in such an environment, for a prolonged period.
I did not see Michelle for quite a long while, Then a few years later, I heard a rumor about Michelle. This rumor got me angry, jealous and bitter. I was so disappointed, I did not want to believe what I heard; but how could I not. It could have been malicious; but, I was too young and too inexperienced to tell the difference. I wanted to know the truth, but I was to hurt to even ask her.
I became bitter; but Michelle was never the recipient of my bitterness. Whenever I met Michelle, which was not very often and we became engaged in a conversation, I get that beautiful, special feeling, but I could not let it be made known, although I was bitter, I pretended to be otherwise.
However, at this point, I did not want Michelle making me feel special, I wanted to be left alone with and in my bitterness. I always ended the conversation as soon as it was possible and scurry along my way. I was never rude, obnoxious or impolite, because she didn't deserve to be the recipient of my bitterness.
The only thing I could have done, was to build new, better and even more beautiful memories with someone else. I built some extremely beautiful memories; but the question is: were they better? The funniest thing was: the old, formative, and beautiful memories, and the affection I developed for Michelle refused to leave. I always saw her as special, the one to be placed on a pedestal and there is where she was in my heart and mind.
Today thousands of gallons of water have flown under that bridge, life happened, mistakes were made; reality exist and memories don't live like people do they always stay with you.
On Wednesday 10th of March 2024, I dreamt of Michelle, it was such a pure, and beautiful, dream, I became as excited as I was, when we were children steeped in innocence spending quality time together. I could not allowed this moment to past with out capturing it with words.
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