I was about sixteen years old. At this point and time in St. Vincent and the Grenadines history, Roller Skating was the in-thing. I was a big part of this roller skates era. I was also dearly in love, with my first true love Janet. Janet meant the world to me.
The Most High God used Janet to play an important role in my life. After my mother died, my life was shattered and suffered in every aspect of my living. I suffered emotionally, socially, academically etc. My confidence was shot. I moved from a witty, intelligent, talkative child, to a shy timid kid. However, all this changed, when I was fourteen years old; exactly seven years after I lost my dear mother.
There was a drastic and unexpected change in events, that occurred. My life turned around when Janet entered my life and showered me with her love. When this happened, it was like a light switch suddenly turned on within me and expelled the darkness. Now, I was able to shake myself, out of the dazed, I was trapped in; for seven years.
Janet always spoke of and looked forward to, the time when she and the other members of her family, would join, in Janet's case her grandmother in the United States of America. I dread the thought of losing Janet to migration, but it was more than likely, it was inevitable.
I could remember it like it was yesterday, when Janet came to me bursting with joy and overwhelmed with excitement. She was happy and she wanted to share the good news with me. Janet's immigration papers were successfully processed and returned, she was now eligible to travel to and live in the USA. She was just in her early teens and looked forward to a new life, of endless possibilities.
Janet's good news, represented major disappointed for me. For soon, I was going to lose the most important person in my life. I did not want to be a selfish, party pooper, by bringing to Janet's attention, what her exciting news meant for our relationship. I kept my thoughts to myself and I celebrated with Janet. At this juncture, Janet's happiness was most important.
When the reality of how her migration, was going to affect our beautiful relationship set in, and Janet realized, we will be torn apart, she told her mom, she don't want to go to America again; she changed her mind. But Janet was just a minor; she had no say in the matter. Her papers were fixed and she was going to America, weather she wanted to or not.
After Janet left our shores for the USA, I was lonely and I felt lost, so I became consumed with roller skating, it was one of the things, Janet and I spent a lot of time doing together, As a result, I became extremely good on the roller skates. I was able to do lots of very cool things on skates.
Because of my Roller-Skating skills, I received a lot of attention from many girls. However, none of the girls who were interesting in me; were good enough, to fill the void Janet's absence left within my heart. The truth is: I did not want anyone but Janet. So, I ignored all of the female attention that came my way.
One of the things we did as Roller Skaters was: we hanged-out at the Kingstown Netball Center, we often used the hard court at the center; to practice our roller-skating skills and play games on the skates. As a result, we became very friendly with the net-ballers.
It was during this period that I came to know and became friendly with, a beautiful net baller by the name of Bridget Ash. Bridget was beautiful, intelligent, funny; witty and fun to be with and around. I slowly began to fall in love with Bridget; and as I got to know her better, the more I loved her. Bridget began to fill the void in my heart, left by Janet's absence.
I wanted to take my relationship with Bridget, to the next level, but I was not sure, Bridget felt the same way about me, as I felt about her. It has been several years since Janet left St. Vincent and the Grenadines, I kept my end of the pact we made to each other. However, it was just about time, to let Janet know, it is time for us to move on with our separate lives.
I did not share my feelings or my plans for Bridget with anyone. I was not going to sabotage my plans for Bridget, by prematurely sharing my feeling about her with anyone, while I was in the process to figuring out, the best approach to let Bridget know how I felt about her, I got some troubling news.
While I was trying to come up with a plan to sway Bridget into my life, Bread-head told me, one of our friends was in love with Bridget and he asked him, to put in a good word with Bridget for him.
When I heard this awful news, I immediately but reluctantly, stop my pursuit of Bridget, I did not want to be the source of any disharmony among the Roller Skaters. Some time later, Bread-head told me, our mutual friend requested, I put in a good word with Bridget on his behalf. To which I agreed.
One evening after the netball game and netball practice ended, I told Bridget I will like to have a private conversation with her. I noticed Bridget became visibly happy, when I requested a private conversation with her. Later Bridget and I excused ourselves from her friends.
I said "Bridget such and such (person's name) is in love with you and he asked me to put in a good word with you for him. Before I could continue, making my case, on my friend's behalf, I noticed tears began running from Bridget's eyes, down onto her cheeks. Through her tears Bridget said to me, Allan how could you do such a thing. Bridget said this over and over through her tears.
I did not know what my beautiful friend was speaking about, I became confused. All I wanted to do, was to help a friend find love, I did not intend to make my beautiful, always cheerful friend: Bridget cry. My objective quickly changed, now my goal was to get Bridget to stop crying and to find out, what I did wrong, so I could apologize to her and correct my error if I could.
When Bridget friends passed us on their way home, they began to make sly remarks, which implied, Bridget and I were romantically involved. Or was on the verge of a romance. However, Bridget kept her face to the wall; she did not want, any of her friends to know she was crying her eye balls out.
I became confused and I began to get frustrated, I wanted to know What I did to my friend so I asked Bridget what did I do. After I asked that question, Bridget made an effort to regained her composers then she said to me.
"Allan; I don't love your friend, I love you, it is you I love. For weeks, I have been rattling my brain; trying to figure-out, how to get your attention, how to let you know, how I feel about you. It is you I want, instead of you coming to talk to me for yourself; you are talking to me for someone else."
Bridget paused for a little moment, then she continued, I have no interest in that guy, she referred to my brother on skate by an unflattering name. We went to school together, If I was interested in him, we would have been together a long time ago. It is you I want, Allan it is you I love; after Bridget said her piece, the sobbing began once again.
I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I loved Bridget tremendously and I just found out she loves me too. But I promised my friends to work on Bridget on his behalf.
By this time, all of Bridget's friends had left, and the dark of night have engulfed us. It would not be right for me, to let this beautiful, heart broken damsel walked home in the dark by herself. Bridget was happy when I offered to walk her home. We slowly walked along the dark star lit streets to her home, just two friends chatting. I enjoyed Bridget's company and every step we took together.
I knew I had to have a conversation with my friends, my brother on skates, the one on whose behalf I was working; but the truth would have crush his already fragile self-esteem. What do I do? I continue to put off the conversation, I knew I should have had with my friend. In all honesty, I did not know how to tell my friends the truth.
As my relationship with Bridget grew into a beautiful relationship, I convinced myself; maybe, just maybe; he will forget the whole sorry episode and move on. But he did not.
It was not to long after, I heard some of my Roller Skates brothers said to me. Our friends, told them, he told me, to put in a good word with Bridget for him and I went and put in many good words for myself and took Bridget for myself. My broken hearted brother was not wrong, to believe that because he was not exposed to the reality.
It was then I explained to my friends, who accused me to my face, of betraying the trust, our mutual friend placed in me, then they understood the situation I found myself in; after I explained to them, I wanted to tell our mutual friend but I didn't know how to break such a news to him. No one wanted to share the sad but difficult reality with our mutual friend. And up to this day, I did not build up the courage to.
Maybe, just maybe; it was/is better for my friend, to view me as the one who betrayed his trust; than to have told him the awful, hurtful truth.
What would you have done?
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